Winter

It’s March. I see that it is currently snowing where I live. I’m still experimenting with my Cipralex and if I didn’t know I was experimenting, I would be thrown in on a massive, psychadelic trip. The good part is, it’s cold and I don’t have an air-conditioner. I hate sleeping in the heat because it’s so uncomfortable and gives me anxiety whenever I can’t fall asleep. So there’s that, and I’m hoping that this summer is going to be a lot cooler than it has been in recent years.

The Experimenting

I’m sorry it’s been so long since my last post. February’s normally mid-term season so I’ve been bogged down with school stuff. So I’m on my 4-day cycle now, and it’s been very interesting. I felt that I should’ve kept going during my 3-day cycle, but moved into a 4-day anyways, but I think that five cycles isn’t enough when it’s this far apart. One of the most interesting things was that I was getting headaches and pretty heavy doses of anxiety and depression at the beginning of the cycle. Before, it used to be at the end of the cycle, and the Cipralex would take care of it, but at the start of the 4-day cycles, it was bad enough that I couldn’t even concentrate. I pushed through anyways, and at my sixth cycle so far, it’s starting to level out. I actually want to stay at this level for now, since I got a couple of things that requires my full, sane attention, like hockey and assignments.

The Experimenting Revelation

I mentioned back in November, when I started blogging again that it was hard for me to quit the Cipralex cold turkey. The symptoms I described above were reminiscent of that time, but I decided to do something about it: I took a tylenol. I wanted to get rid of the headache and the dizziness at least, but it worked way too well. Even the negative self-thoughts were gone.  I felt that needed it’s own, one-sentence, italic’d paragraph on its own because it was that freaking effective. It was incredible. I’d say in less than half an hour, 95% of the physiological symptoms and thoughts were gone. I wouldn’t go as far as to say that it’s a complete replacement for getting off SSRIs, but it’s a hell of a bandaid for it…more like gauze. I’m actually tempted to go back on the Cipralex full-time, get off of it, and try the Tylenol thing to get off of it completely!

The Current Update But all-in-all, things are okay. The student loans here finally figured me out and screwed me on my funding, so now I’m scrambling to find a fast-food job for the time being. There’s a bit of anxiety to that, but for some reason, I’m not too worried. I’m also one more law course away from completing my degree, but another semester for my psychology portion to fully graduate. There’s a bit of anxiety there as I’m trying to figure out what I want to do. Part of me wants to just stay under the radar and live out my life playing a massive amount of hockey, while working at some bullshit job. Add upgrading my marks to get into a masters program, I’m set. But another part of me is wondering if it’s just fatigue from being in school for so long that i just want to take a break. I do want to take a vacation out east and golf along the Atlantic ocean though, or some massive body of water like the Bay of Fundy. I figured if I watched hockey in the west coast of Vancouver, I might as well do this.

Here’s a not so random song. I really got into this band not too long ago, and this song perfectly exemplifies depression and anxiety.

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