24

Beep-boop! Beep-boop!

So, I think I hit a little snag, and it all happened in 24 hours. I really did like that show, 24, and I know it’s back out, but I caught on late, so…yeah, can’t watch the rest of it.

Basically, it started with hockey on Friday, right after my last post. There’s a female there that I have my eye on, but being a goalie, and her being a skater, we don’t normally get too much of a chance to talk. I bumped into her and timekept one of her games a couple of weeks ago, where she grabbed the back of the head of some other chick with the puck, pushed her, then looked like she thought, “Might as well go for the whole 9-yards because it’s a roughing penalty,” and slammed her face into the ice. This happened right in front of me, and I was dying of laughter. Oddly enough, she didn’t get the penalty.

Anyways, on Friday, she came in with some guy, and pre-Cipralex me would be thinking all sorts of jealous thoughts, but they weren’t much this time around. It was only when the facilitator told me that she had a thing for hockey guys that got my anxiety going again. I really wasn’t feeling well during the game, but I kept telling myself that I’m a good goalie; I ended up letting in 4 goals in about 40 minutes, so that’s pretty good considering the company of Junior players I was with and how long I’ve been playing ice net (since October; and I let in a bunch when I was dying afterwards…leg day and then hockey day doesn’t mix). From what I seen though, I kept telling myself that I’m a better goalie than the guy was a skater, and I ended up shutting him down the entire time I was playing against him.

It didn’t stop there though. I carried the anxiety to work and wasn’t able to shake it off. There were blurbs during the day when I was fine, but for the most part, I couldn’t even form sentences. Same thing with work yesterday as well.

The Cipralex-less Experiment

I wrote a while back that Tylenol (or maybe ibuprofen in general, haven’t found that out yet) really helped alleviate the headaches and dizziness associated with the Cipralex withdrawals. It even took away the anxiety with it, which was a total surprise, and lead me to believe that the starving-for-SSRIs hippocampus (which is what SSRIs repairs) is what, at least majorly, causes anxiety and depression. So, because of the past couple of days, I wanted to try it out again; to see if Tylenol does relieve anxiety. I highly doubt that it would (my null hypothesis), but given my history with SSRIs, my current situation could just be my brain deeply “needing” it. I had a friend who told me once that it took her 2-3 months for her symptoms to fully go away when she went off her Cipralex; at least I think she said “months.” I’m also 99% sure that she just quit cold turkey after only a month or so on them, whereas, I was on it for a good two years and I ran a weening experiment on myself. So there’s that that’s influencing my attacks and headaches.

With all that said though, I did just take a Tylenol, but I’m not 100% sure if it’s from the anxiety or the fact that I really didn’t drink that much water and sweating buckets yesterday at work. Regardless, I took one an hour and a half-ish ago, and I still have a mild headache, no anxiety problems right now, but I wouldn’t hold my breath on that.

I don’t have much of an operational definition for this, just a simple “Does it have any personal effect or not?” type experiment. Very non-scientific and unempirical, and I probably won’t even give out numbers, but it’s a nice little mini-experiment.

That’s about it. Work also isn’t helping with the anxiety since I’m making next to nothing with 3 jobs and barely any hours (corporate greed), but at least I keep having better thoughts that I have a job, money’s sort of coming in, and I got the time to look for a better job in the meantime. I’m not sure what I would’ve thought pre-Cipralex though.

Here’s a random song.

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