Do you know how pathetic I am?
Audience in unison: “How pathetic are you?”
I’m so pathetic, a douchelord is a better boyfriend material than me.
*canned laughter*
I must be the most pathetic human being on the planet, and yet, there are worse people, in my eyes. People who drives around in their Mercedes-Benz (which is the most overrated motor vehicle in the world, by the way), with the sunroof down, in the rain, while wearing sunglasses, cutting people off because they think they’re better than everybody else, are better than me, apparently. At least, that’s what all the women I’ve ever been interested in are implying; the latest one being Bernadette.
I woke up with my fat cat beached like a whale next to me.
So instead of nudging him off, I let him beach himself against me like said dying whale that purrs, and went on my laptop before starting out my day; even breakfast (which I haven’t been having consistently, and that’s another story). To my unprepared surprise, she wrote about spending time with King Douchelord and how much she’s enjoying it.
Huzzah! I’m worse than a douchelord! I’m worse than someone who’s arrogant as fuck, such as, not cutting people off in traffic.
I should also point out that my 27-hour-ish Cipralex relief has already worn out by now so I was flipping shit…while my cat has beached himself against me….purring no less. So in a way, this was my cat’s fault as well. But I can never get mad at him because he’s just a giant suck. And he’s just a cat. A Bobo Cat.
(Psychology note: Not to be confused with a Bobo Doll.)
This seems to be a theme in my life.
The Panic & Depressing Employment
For the first time in my life, I called in sick for work due to mental illness because it got so bad (6.5), and second time in 6 years or so. I took my pill and I tried doing a bit of retail therapy without the buying, and that didn’t really help. I drove around for a bit, and then went into work to see if they needed me for tonight’s banquet shift. I felt so bad telling them I can’t work tonight, but they didn’t seem to panic like I was inside my head, so I was okay with that. I just hate calling in sick when a team needs me though. It feels like such a cop out, but I can’t concentrate and do my job. I’m wondering if I would be able to do my job, since I pulled off a shift last spring when a panic attack occurred, and it just disappeared at the tail end of my night. So, I’m not sure.
I used to work with a supervisor who claimed to be suffering from depression, too. Now, I say, “claimed” because he was really withdrawn to the point where he was such an asshole (surprisingly, more so than your average Torontonian) and I wasn’t able to trust him to have my back if that were to happen. He would also call in sick repeatedly and leave us short-handed and picking up after his responsibilities. It felt really lazy of him since all we did was nothing but drive around all day (or parked somewhere with a laptop), and do some random patrols in a really nice luxury car. Hell, we could’ve sat around a coffee shop all day, or slept in the cars, and the bosses wouldn’t know.
He pissed me off because of these things. I did not like him at all, even from one mental health sufferer to another, if he was indeed one. Personally, I’ve always used my anxiety as fuel for dangerous situations; I think it keeps you on your feet from an evolutionary standpoint. In other words, Yoda was wrong…sort of. So with all that said, I just don’t want to be that guy in the workplace, especially when free golf is on the line. (Another problem to work on, my addictions, but one at a time.)
So, nothing like a day of being snapped back to reality and reminded of being a pathetic lowlife on life’s totem pole. Here’s a quasi-random song. Quasi since it’s from a random playlist and it does have some kind of meaning, I guess.
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