This has been me this past weekend.
I’m on my second round of my 3-day cycle, and I guess all things are going as planned since I’m up to a (6). I kept on the 2-day for another couple of cycles just so my hippocampus can adapt. I also think it’s because I’ve been pushing my body to its limits for the past two weeks, and I just didn’t want to get up. I was exactly like those people in that commercial. It got so bad that I actually bought an $80 Lego TIE Fighter and put it together in less than a day. It was good because it got the thoughts to shut the hell up for a few hours, and really killed the time.
Killing time actually makes more sense to me. I re-joined group therapy for a third time in my university career, and this one seems like it’s helping a bit more so far. A few of the members have commented that they don’t like being alone because their thoughts and anxiety would just consume them and they end up doing something else. Granted, Legos is freaking expensive as hell, and I might as well take up heroin; it’ll cost the same. There’s also hockey, but my body has had enough so far. I’ve also been jonesing to do some golfing, too, but since it’s winter in Canada, and there’s still a bit of a remnant of that polar vortex thinger. Kinda hard to golf when there’s snow on the ground and the golf ball is also white. If I can get a blue-coloured Pro V1x ball, that would help. Trespassing is not an issue.
But the thoughts thing I can relate to. It was bad enough this morning that I went for a 4-hour drive to get eggs. Yeah, I could’ve gotten it from a grocery store, but getting from a farm is so much better. The egg whites are so much more…fuller than supermarket crap. I’ve always liked those long drives better than getting to the destination. I usually listen to podcasts that makes me laugh, sing along to songs that does wonders for my lungs, and those things usually helps. I can’t do that while sitting somewhere because I’ll just get so restless, and I can’t sing for the life of me; I won’t put anyone through that torture.
I still have such busy week ahead of me, so I’m a little concerned. I have a hockey game which I’m trying to lead my team out of a goose egg in the win column (goose egg=zero) for ice hockey, going to a Red Bull Crashed Ice qualifier on Saturday (which I know I won’t make, but it’s going to be a hell of an experience), and then another ball hockey game with the same idea.
I’m also getting really annoyed with hockey too. I haven’t had a win since September. Granted, I’ve been playing ice with the most random teams as a “rental” (they just use me when their goalie can’t show up), but still…I want a win, and it’s frustrating. My Goals Against Average (GAA) since I started playing again in October is an even 5, which is (weird because an average should have decimals, and) is pretty decent for someone playing in beer leagues, that doesn’t have much defense. My last three games in both ice and ball hockey, I let in 5, 2, and 3 goals, with a GAA of 3.33, which, I think, just a smidge above average all things considering, but I know I can do better; maybe get an average of under 3 from those games.
As a bit of a stats nut, I have a GAA this season of 4 on the ice, and 6 in ball, which is about the same as my overall, so at least I haven’t statistically worsened . Coming off Christmas and bronchitis doesn’t help either, and I still have so much to do to get back in shape. All this for a stupid shirt. lol
On top of all that, I still have this “school” thing to do. I have 2 assignments, and a mid-term to slay next week, all on top of the training. It still boggles my mind, though, that after this semester, I’ll be eligible to graduate with a pre-law degree. I still have one more semester to go if I want to get my psychology degree as a double major, but it still blows my mind that I’ve worked hard enough to graduate university with a single degree.
Well, that was a bit of a tangent, but that’s what I’ve been going through. I think I’ve already given up on women, especially with the last one, and resigned myself on an early death by my own hand, so I’m trying to enjoy what’s left of my life as much as possible now.
Overall, the cycles seem to be taking and everything seems to be working. I’m not 100% sure if the anxiety evening out by the 5th cycle is really caused by the hippocampus adapting or if it’s more of a placebo effect, but I am very sure that it’s not the latter. I can’t wait until I finish my 5-day cycle and even out so I can finally drink beer again. I’ve been dry for about two years now and it’s really pissing me off. I’m even thinking about going to a 6-day cycle for a bit, just to try it out and see what happens, so who knows.
Still gotta find something to quiet down the thoughts now that I’ve completed my TIE Fighter. I know school won’t help.
Here’s a not-random song.
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